In 2019, it appears that since humanity neglected to do anything about climate change, the Earth’s weather has finally gone out of control. Geostorm asks you to believe that 17 nations united and built a network of satellites to control the weather. These satellites are literally connected together in a web over the planet. (If you know anything about basic science, that would mean that one well-placed piece of debris falling from space, like a meteor, would take down the entire network. But I digress.)
Aside from the threat posed by its incredibly inefficient design, it also appears that another danger has appeared: Someone has sabotaged the satellites and is making them unleash “extreme weather” events in different parts of the world. If enough of these events take place at once, it will trigger a cataclysmic “geostorm” that will threaten the survival of humanity.
Jake Lawson (Gerard Butler) is the man who designed the network of satellites which has been dubbed “Dutch Boy” (in reference to the dutch boy who put his finger in a dike.) Since he was fired from the Dutch Boy program by his brother, Max (Jim Sturgess), he now has to be convinced to come back to the program, figure out what’s wrong with the satellites, who caused the problem, and then save the world.
It’s hard to know where to start with a movie like Geostorm. It’s supposed to be over-the-top and ridiculous. It was co-written and directed by Dean Devlin, who is best known for writing such subtle and intimate films as Independence Day, Godzilla, and Universal Soldier. (This is his first time directing a feature film.) So, faulting it for being completely unbelievable isn’t really even on the table in terms of criticism. I knew that from the trailer.
What takes Geostorm down so many notches is the fact that it’s not just one unbelievable scenario. It’s one unbelievable scenario after another for damn near two hours. We’re not just asked to believe satellites can control the weather. We’re asked to believe that people can drive cars while avoiding falling buildings and survive unscathed. We’re asked to believe that a man can survive not one but two catastrophic spacewalks and emerge without expressing any gratitude. Flood waters recede in mere seconds. Electric cars have been widely adopted by 2022. It doesn’t stop until the credits roll. I won’t even get into the sibling rivalry subplot between Jake and Max.
There’s only one thing that sets this apart from the “mockbuster” movies that The Asylum cranks out straight-to-DVD — you know the ones I’m talking about, like 2012: Doomsday, Lightning Superstorm, or Geo-Disaster (which was actually made to ride the coattails of this movie.) It’s the budget and only the budget. The Asylum’s films are made for about $1 million apiece. Geostorm was made for $120 million. So, Warner Bros. simply built better sets, hired fairly decent special effects houses, and nabbed a few recognizable actors like Andy Garcia, Gerard Butler, and Ed Harris. What they didn’t improve upon when compared to The Asylum’s knock-off films is the script. Since the screenplay is the key to everything, this movie is ultimately no better than a film that cost 1/120th as much. I bet the beancounters at Warner Bros. are kicking themselves because Geostorm lost $72 million after expenses.
Seeing Geostorm will only cost you a few dollars (at most) and an hour and 49 minutes. Choose wisely and save your time and your money.
1.5 out of 5.0 stars
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