Although none of the stories are scary, they do feature some very solid (and gruesome) practical effects work from KNB EFX Group.
Born out of the movie series, Creepshow, which was in turn inspired by EC Comics’ titles like “Tales from the Crypt” and “The Vault of Horror,” Tales from the Darkside was a horror anthology television series that ran in syndication from 1984 to 1988. Each week, the series featured a different story, usually with a horrific or humorous twist at the end.
Released two years after the TV series ended, Tales from the Darkside: The Movie includes three standalone stories and a wraparound story that ties them together. The wraparound story features Timmy, a paperboy (Matthew Lawrence) who’s been kidnapped and caged by a woman (Deborah Harry). She plans to gut him and cook him for a dinner party she’s hosting. To stall her plans, Timmy offers to read some stories from a book called “Tales from the Darkside.”
The first tale, “Lot 249”, is about a college student named Edward Bellingham (Steve Buscemi,) an archaeology student who is denied a fellowship by two conniving students, Susan (Julianne Moore) and Lee (Robert Sedgwick.) After learning of their plan to cheat him out of what he believes was rightfully his, Bellingham orders a mummy to act out his revenge. Susan’s brother, Andy (Christian Slater), who is also friends with Lee, discovers and tries to stop Bellingham’s plot.
“Cat from Hell” casts David Johansen as Halston, a hit man hired by Drogan (William Hickey), a pharmaceutical baron, to kill a cat that’s stalking his mansion. Drogan believes the cat is responsible for the deaths of three other people and wants it dead before it kills him. He’s offering $100,000 for the job. Halston scoffs at the idea that the cat is murderous but doesn’t refuse the money.
The last story, “A Lover’s Vow”, features James Remar as Preston, a down-on-his-luck artist who has a run-in with a murderous gargoyle. The gargoyle offers to spare his life if he promises to never tell a soul about what he has seen. That vow is challenged when he meets Carola (Rae Dawn Chong), a beautiful woman who immediately falls in love with him.
Despite the source material for the shorts being written by the likes of Stephen King (“Cat from Hell”) and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (“Lot 249”), the final screenplay versions lack any sort of oomph. “A Lover’s Vow,” which was written specifically for the film, is the only story that really clicks and, unfortunately, it’s rather predictable.
Although none of the stories are scary, they do feature some very solid (and gruesome) practical effects work from KNB EFX Group. (“A Lover’s Vow” features the best effects of the lot, by far.) Aside from a few weak jump scares, there’s not much in any of the segments that will get your pulse pounding. Seeing future stars like Steve Buscemi and Julianne Moore in early roles provides more entertainment value than any of the twist endings.
Tales from the Darkside: The Movie isn’t a terrible anthology but the violence and gore seems ill-suited for pairing with its old-fashioned stories. Classic horror fans will find the violence excessive and gorehounds will find the stories much too tame for their liking. Overall, a disappointing attempt to please everyone that has the opposite effect.
2.5 out of 5.0 stars
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