Although the script has a laugh or two at the expense of the inane plot, most of the action borders on the ridiculous and the dialogue approaches the unintentionally hilarious.
Taking advantage of the then-prevalent Y2K paranoia, 1999’s End of Days casts Arnold Schwarzenegger as Jericho, a security expert. Along with his partner, Chicago (Kevin Pollack), Jericho provides high-end protection for high profile clients, including bullet proof limos and helicopter support. During a job escorting a Wall Street banker to his destination, Jericho and his team are attacked by a gun-wielding former priest. After thwarting the attack, Jericho investigates and finds himself in the middle of a Biblical prophecy involving Satan (Gabriel Byrne) and a young woman named Christine (Robin Tunney.)
According to the the script’s convoluted storyline, every 1000 years Satan must impregnate a woman somehow chosen to bear his child and bring about the end of days. Conveniently, this consummation must take place on New Year’s Eve. Jericho stumbles across this plot and must stop Satan from essentially raping Christine. He also finds himself protecting her from a group of rogue Vatican knights who want to snuff her out to prevent Satan from completing his millennial booty call. In other words, End of Days could be billed as The Terminator vs. Satan and The Vatican.
Unfortunately, the filmmakers chose to go a semi-serious route. Although the script has a laugh or two at the expense of the inane plot, most of the action borders on the ridiculous and the dialogue approaches the unintentionally hilarious. Only Gabriel Byrne deftly straddles the line between clever and stupid with his appropriately hammy performance as Satan. Although credited as “The Man, ” there are no punches pulled in revealing his true identity. Byrne appears to be enjoying himself which is much more than I can say for the rest of the cast.
Schwarzenegger, who was coming off semi-retirement as a result of heart surgery, does his typical hero schtick but eases up on the one-liners. He takes an unusually high amount of damage in this outing, even being beaten up by an old woman. Robin Tunney doesn’t have much to do other than be pulled from scene to scene by either Schwarzenegger or Byrne. Udo Kier turns in a fun cameo as a doctor who bathes a baby in snake blood, though, so that’s something.
To its credit, End of Days features some stellar special effects work that still holds up twenty odd years later. It’s a product of a time that still believed in practical effects and, as a result, those scenes have weight to them that’s missing from today’s big action scenes. But it is also from an era that thought having a sex scene accompanied by a Limp Bizkit tune was edgy, so you win some and you lose some.
Where End of Days ultimately fails is it’s lack of a consistent, internal logic. The rules of the game keep changing. Satan is sometimes extremely powerful and other times, he’s easily dispatched. It all depends on what allows another explosive action scene or ridiculous diversion to take place rather than what serves the story. I’m not asking for much here as I know what kind of movie this is supposed to be. Sadly, what could have been a fun action romp gets saddled with too much dourness and odd pacing. Arnie and the devil both deserved better.
2.0 out of 5.0 stars
