Despite my better judgment, I enjoyed Toxic Shark for what it is: a C-grade Syfy movie that started as a title and somehow became a movie.
Other than Jaws, there are very few really good shark movies to pick from. A few movie studios, like The Asylum, have embraced the fact that they’ll never be able to equal the best shark film of all time. So, they shoot in the opposite direction. There is no shortage of terrible shark movies featuring high concept titles and poorly rendered CGI sharks. Every now and again — maybe by accident — one of these movies ends up being borderline watchable. Trailer Park Shark is a perfect example. Toxic Shark, a TV movie produced for the Syfy channel, is another.
Now, let me qualify that statement. Toxic Shark features all of the hallmarks of a ridiculous sharksploitation film. The title gives away the “concept.” The computer-generated shark would look better in a video game from twenty years ago. The acting barely rises above the high-school thespian level. The plot borders on ultra-simplistic. However, the script — or at least the words that the actors speak — actually made me laugh. Intentionally even!
Toxic Shark takes place at a singles resort on an island near Puerto Rico. A bevy of beautifully sculpted young men and women arrive to partake in a variety of activities. The resort is the brainchild of Reese (Eric Etebari,) who seems to be having some complaints about the resort’s accommodations from previous attendees.
Although his resort has recently passed some sort of inspection, Reese is given a water test kit by the inspector. Not one to sweat the small stuff, Reese tosses the kit aside to greet his newest group of guests. The employees of the resort are complaining about something as well. Some of them have disappeared; presumably by walking off the job.
But, this is a shark flick not a mystery movie. We’re quickly introduced to the film’s titular character: a massive hybrid shark that can spew toxic sludge out of a blowhole on the top of its head. Of course, it eats people too. But, as a twist, a bite from this shark can turn a person into a zombie-like creature. It’s up to the survivors to figure out how to fight this monster. It’s up to the audience to switch off all brain function and just go with it.
The script introduces pencil-thin characters to guide us through this fishy adventure: Sam (Bryce Durfee) and Eden (Kabby Borders), a former couple who separately plan trips to the island to get over one another. Sam’s horn-dog buddies, Ryan (Owen Saxon) and Zane (Sean Samuels,) who want Sam to forget Eden all-together. Eden’s equally horn-dog friend, Gabriella (Cristina Jayo,) and the bookish Audra (Christina Masterson,) who each serve little purpose other than shark fodder. We’re also introduced to resort employees, Erin (Michelle Cortes) and Jesse (Quinn Bozza,) who are the real brains behind the resort.
None of these characters’ motivations matter once the shark action starts. And, by shark action, I mean whenever the abysmal-looking creature launches itself out of the water to claim a victim. There’s precious little suspense or build-up to these attacks. If a person is with 20 feet of the shore, they appear to be within the shark’s range. The toxic nature of the shark is never fully explained but, honestly, I doubt much thought went into it.
No, I didn’t forget that I called this movie “borderline watchable” earlier in the review. I meant it. And it all comes down to the goofy script. Not so much the shark-related stuff or even the plot. It’s the random dialogue that characters will spout as they change into shark zombies. Supposedly, this is their brains fighting the infection in their blood. Either the actors ad-libbed the dialogue or someone wrote it. Either way, it’s surprisingly funny at times and tips the scale the movie’s favor.
Despite my better judgment, I enjoyed Toxic Shark for what it is: a C-grade Syfy movie that started as a title and somehow became a movie. It’s not as self-aware as Trailer Park Shark or Sharknado but there’s certainly a sense of humor at work here.
As bad shark movies go, you wouldn’t have to search too long to find one better than Toxic Shark. But it would be a hell of a lot easier to find one that’s worse.
2.0 out of 5.0 stars
